At some point in your life, you get tired of unhealthy connections. As you grow, certain things become intolerable, and that’s ok — this is how you evolve. For me, it happened when I got sober. In October of 2016, my life changed because, for the first time, I learned to love and value myself. I became truly committed to the work required to deal with the underlying issues from my past. Through this process, I was also determined to stay single until I found someone who added value to my life.
To heal, one must do things that are unfamiliar and scary — this means confronting the unknown.
The first step was healing. To heal, one must do things that are unfamiliar and scary — this means confronting the unknown. I challenged myself to feel all of my emotions as they came up. And even though it was often difficult to face those feelings, there was so much growth on the other side of it. The truth is, you can’t just skip any of the hard parts as much as it hurts. If you want to attract a partner you can connect with on a more profound level, these are the measures you must take.
For three years, I went to therapy and attended recovery support groups to work through my vulnerabilities and self-perceived limitations. While my past would always be a part of me, I was genuinely ready to move forward. After five years of being single and vigorously working on myself, it was time. I wrote a list of qualities I desired in a partner — in a healthy relationship. Creating this list helped me realize I was looking for someone who was self-aware and willing to do the work together.
On my list, I detailed that I intend to align with someone with who I could have an intellectual, emotional, and spiritual connection, and it would feel natural. An essential factor listed is we both respect and value each other’s boundaries; we prioritize growth and communication in our relationship. It’s also vital that I feel free to let my guard down and be my authentic self around my future partner. What’s more, is we would both be committed to growth, individually and as a couple. I crafted this list to manifest my soul-partner, and I continue adding to it every so often. Have you ever created a list like this? I’d love to know your thoughts!
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